Let's agree to disagree! Among politically mismatched couples, 59% say their contrasting views cause no problem in the relationship.
However, generally speaking there are a couple of things to remember when interacting with somebody who is extremely unique to you. "special"
The start of a relationship can be a precarious course to explore. Folks (like me) aren't that great at guessing what women think or want and our stupidity often lead to otherwise easily avoidable arguments. Setting essential guidelines with your new fire may offer you some assistance with getting past the little stuff and begin making the most of your lives together.
Looking for a tip or two on how to tackle the dating scene?
Here are ten guidelines to smooth the road with your new relationship:
1. P.D.A. regulation. People have different comfort levels when it comes to couples behavior in public. Find the line (holding hands, smooching, heated necking on the subway platform) and don't cross it.
2. One day a week. Decide on one day every week you can spend together, no one else invited. Everyone's buys; designating together-time is healthy for any relationship.
3. No suffocation. Being together is great; acting like conjoined twins is not. Respect each other's space and don't take it so seriously if he asks for some time to himself.
4. Don't talk about the future until it's time to talk about the future. Nothing freaks a guy out like the prospect of kids before he's actually ready to have them. Don't think he doesn't want to be with you if he shies away from the topic. He just enjoys the way things are and isn't quite ready to add a mini-me to the mix.
5. Forge friendships with your partner's pals. Not that you have to be one of the bros but it's nice for him (and you) if you feel comfortable around his buddies.
6. But don't forget your own. Don't drop the friends who were with you before he showed up. Ditching the gals will lead to feelings of resentment and neglect and if your relationship comes to an end, you'll want that circle of support.
7. Don't hide things. You don't need to tell him about the time you hooked up with your father's golf buddy but it's probably a good idea to tell him you're still friends with your ex before he runs into the two of you on the street.
8. Loosen up. Don't start a fight because he glanced at the attractive girl that just walked by. Likewise, he shouldn't get worked up just because you said Jake Gyllenhaal is hot. It's not like either of you is trying to sleep with them (unless you are, in which case you should re-evaluate your role in this twosome).
9. Don't kiss and tell. This is a relationship, not an elongated one-night stand. There's no need to talk about what goes on in the bedroom at the water cooler.
10. No assumptions or guessing games. Don't force him to guess what you really mean by, "It's OK if we don't go out on my birthday." Being upfront with your feelings will prevent many conflicts.
Dating Dos Don'ts
1. DON'T convince yourself you only have one "type."
DO widen your definition of a compatible mate. Open yourself to the possibility that you can fall in love with someone who doesn't perfectly meet the criteria that you believe is your ideal or particular "type."
2. DON'T be overly critical or judgmental.
DO approach others with curiosity, kindness, and compassion. Premature dismissals of someone are a one-way ticket to overlooking a potentially great love match.
3. DON'T come on too strong! Watch yourself for behaviors that could be constured as needy, desperate, unstable, or otherwise undesirable.
DO respect the natural progression of intimacy. Telling a potential mate how much you really, really like them adds a lot of unnecessary pressure! Instead, gradually reveal your inner thoughts, feelings, and personal story starting with light and casual then progressing to deeper, more intimate self-disclosures.
4. DON'T forget the traditional rules of dating.
DO be a gentlemen/lady. Some rules of dating have stood the test of time. Yes, we live in a modern world in which women can pay for themselves and open their own door. Still, it's nice when the man foots the bill after a dinner date. Likewise, ladies shouldn't try to be just one of the guys.
Tips from Dr. Kate Campbell, Ph.D., LMFT
5. DON'T be overly influenced by expectations of family and friends such as, “Does she practice the same religion? Is he the same race, or does he have the desired financial/educational status?”
Do find a balance with considering the opinions of others, while staying in touch with your own intuition regarding who is a compatible match for you. When you acknowledge your wants and needs, it’s more likely you’ll land a lasting relationship. Ditch the long laundry list written by everyone else, but you!
Tips from Dr. Gina Marchando, DMFT, LMFT, CHt
6. DON'T get lost talking about yourself and your past, including the mistakes, heartaches, who you were ten years ago or even in your last relationship. When getting to know someone in a new relationship, they want to know who you are today not how you were in a past relationship or lifetime.
DO talk about yourself as who you are today in the present and the values and goals you have for yourself in the future.
7. DON'T monopolize the conversation or make yourself the highlight real, no one healthy or worthwhile being in a relationship with is interested in getting into a coupleship with a narcissist.
DO make the conversation reciprocal, be inquisitive and show your interest in getting to know the other person.
Tips from Rebekah Doweyko, LMHC
8. DON'T alter who you are to fit what you think your love interest wants/needs. When we alter who we are and portray values that are not our own, we attract people we were never meant to attract, therefore the relationship is doomed before it begins.
DO present yourself authentically. It is much easier than putting forth the energy required to pretend.
Tips from Kristina Fecik, MFT
9. DON'T complain about your lack of luck with love or blame your city's [insert city name here] dating scene!
DO keep in mind that dating isn't easy for anyone, no matter where you live. You can blame your location, the ratio of singles to couples, or even the weather. Bottom line, our attitude is more likely to create opportunities for us. Leave your carry-on luggage packed full of negativity at baggage claim.
Tips from Dr. Corinne Scholtz, Ph.D., LMFT
10. DON'T stop pursuing new hobbies and other life experiences just because you’ve found a partner. Be cautious of giving up or limiting the time you spend doing things for "you", whether this be exercise, the beach, reading, cooking, spending time with friends, etc. Finding a romantic connection can be so exciting and exhilarating that it’s easy to lose sight of life before meeting this person.
DO practice balancing "you" time with "couple" time from the very beginning of the relationship. Evaluate each situation and decide when the needs of the couple are a priority and vice versa, decide when your individual needs are a priority.
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